Go out and play

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” ~~Jack Lemmon

In his book The 29% Solution Dr. Ivan Misner, founder of Business Network International, the world’s largest referral organization, divides people into two broad categories. 71% are not networked (as opposed to the rest that make up the title of the book.) He refers to the 71% as cave dwellers. Here is his description.

“Mark is a typical cave dweller. He gets up in the morning in his home cave, climbs into his mobile cave (his four-wheel-drive SUV,) and speeds to his destination for the day—his office cave. He talks to the same people every day, perhaps visiting the familiar caves of a few colleagues or the same daily diner cave for lunch down the street. At the end of the day he pilots his rolling cave back the way he came, ending up safely in his home cave, and watches his big-screen TV. Many cave dwellers, like Mark, find themselves stuck in this pattern day after day.”

If that reminds you of the man in the mirror and you would prefer to be among the 29% that are effective networkers then you have to realize that networking is a contact sport. Break out of your current rut.

I recommend starting where you can have the most impact. Refer back to weeks three and four (Picture your Perfect Customer and Field your Winning Team) and network where they are. Ask your best customer where they network and tag along as their guest. In fact, if you think it is hard to meet new people you can ease the process by going with a friend. The important thing is to start today and take your Mom’s advice to go outside and play.

© 2023 by Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.

Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” ~~ George Santayana

One of the closest networks you will ever have is your family. If relationships are built on quality time spent together, on helping one another, on understanding the other person’s motivations, desires, concerns, fears (and they are) then no other group holds such promise for closeness. They were there for your successes and failures and you were there for them, too. They know your strengths and weaknesses—maybe better than you do.

Quick question…how well do they know what you do? Unless you run a family-owned business the odds are that they don’t know it well. If this is your situation consider how much opportunity you are letting slip by.

When families get together there are many competing topics and all too often business gets left off the agenda. Yet who would be more vested in your success?

With their permission share what you do, who you help, and how you help them. Refer back to week 3 and picture your perfect customer. Also, consider all the valuable resources you have and offer to share them with your family members. If they need a good painter or auto repair service you can connect them.

Here are a few action steps to take this week:

• Make a short list of five to ten family members you would like to contact and arrange an appointment—either in-person or on the phone.
• Start out the appointment by establishing the agenda and time requirements. Even with small talk thirty minutes should be sufficient.
• Start with them. Find out about their work, their business, their concerns, and any problems faced. If you have solutions within your network—offer to make the introductions. If you don’t then simply be a good listener.
• Describe what you do to how you help your clients. Tell stories as they are illustrative and memorable.
• If you have a specific request, ask.
• Schedule a follow-up meeting or call.
• Invite them to your office to see firsthand what you are all about. Plan to visit their office, as well.

All too often we just assume those closest to us know what we do. Resolve to remedy that oversight this week.

© 2023 by Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.

Revisit your contacts

“Study the past, if you would divine the future.” ~~Confucius

Four weeks ago we took inventory of Who’s Who to You and considered the way we move as a bubble of closer relationships inside the current of more distant swirling ones. The river of time, if you will.

Relationships are strengthened as a function of frequency and recency. (That’s not a word, I know, but rhymes well and helps remind of the concept.) Last month we considered my grammar school class which was, no doubt, similar to your experience.

Frequency was what cemented the relationship as we were together for eight years every school day. None are recent as grammar school was long ago. JFK died while I was in second grade, for instance. His opponent, Richard Nixon, had resigned from politics the year before and yet five years after Kennedy’s assassination Nixon won the presidency. Before I finished high school Tricky Dick was disgraced from office.

As children these world events swirled around the bubble of our personal relationships.

I turn your mind to this so you can also consider your past briefly. There are people you were inseparable from in relationships forged by intense frequency. If you were to reconnect now the bond could be quickly reestablished at a very deep level.

For master networkers the Internet in general and Facebook™ in particular makes it very easy to reconnect with these important people in our lives.

Take a few moments to draw out the names of those you cared about in the past. They felt the same way and, given an opportunity to help you would do so willingly. Networking with the willing is far more effective than networking with strangers, by the way. Many of us never take advantage of this powerful resource, though.

Once you have a list of people you would like to reconnect with consider what to offer them. Maybe it is simply to reconnect. They will likely celebrate your business success or new grandchild just as excitedly as you. These are simple places to start and should lead quickly to areas of more significant value. Some of your old friends may be in the same field as you with brighter credentials. If so, they may want to mentor you. Others may be starting on a path you have already walked and you can mentor them. More likely they are in different fields and can become connectors into new networks. Again, consider your intent. You are there to reconnect and add value to their lives, as well.

Enjoy this walk down memory lane.

© 2023 by Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.

Variety is the spice

“It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races” ~~Mark Twain

It’s true that “birds of a feather flock together” while the strength in a network expands along with its diversity. This means leaving our comfort zone—intentionally. Expanding contacts in order to provide better access for your customers to services they may need as well as to expand your reach into new markets.

You can essentially break the world into two main camps. In one we have all the people we know. In the other are those we do not know. It won’t take long to see which is bigger. It takes effort to tap in to the larger world and meeting someone totally different from you is a valuable shortcut, not even considering the added benefit of exposure to new ideas.

Humans are naturally attracted to the same type of people. We can relate more quickly to others of the same general age, ethnicity, economics, and so on. Limited to this environment, though, the opportunities dwindle. Reaching out to diversity is ever expanding and healthy for relationships and a robust network.

As you grow your contacts you will find that a few people are the connectors that make it possible to bridge diverse worlds. Wayne Baker, author of Achieving Success Through Social Capital called these connectors “linchpins…are the gateways between clumps…and [they] provide the shortcuts that convert a big world into a small one.”

This week’s action step involves adding diversity to your network. Look for a mixer next month and add it to your schedule. While there make it a point to introduce yourself to someone you don’t know and someone you would be unlikely to cross paths with in any other setting. Look for someone different in age, gender, race, religion, ability, interests, and belief.

© 2023 by Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Stephen Hand of Triangle BNI.